I haven't taken any courses in school that would have prepared me for a profession in the culinary arts, if you don't count taking the Independent Living course I had to take during the early years of my high school career. We studied a little bit of business, which I retained no knowledge on, and we cooked a little bit but I already know how to do basic cooking. Anyway, then I didn't even really know what I wanted to do "in the future".

A part of me thinks that I should have gone to Wyoming Park instead of staying at Lee. The only reason that kept me at Lee is that I didn't want to leave my friends. I knew people at Wyoming Park, and I could have easily made new friends... Maybe I was (and am, I guess) afraid of change. Park definitely has a better educational system, better of classes to choose from. I think I definitely would have better benefited from Park's education than Lee's but it's too late to change that. I graduated HS in 2008. I haven't gone to college yet. I'm intending to go to Culinary school, and college for business and hotel management, etc...

Looking back, I'd really like to start life over knowing the things I do now. I'd be a completely different person, for the better. Even not knowing the things I know now, I probably WOULD do things differently. Oh well, if only...

Hey everyone...

It has been about 5-6 months since I have been home from Germany. It feels good to be back in an English speaking country but I am so disappointed in myself that I did not stick it out longer. I keep telling myself that some things just do not work out in the end, and that what happened may have happened for a reason. I would like to go back to Germany in the future, and I definitely will. I keep in touch with my amazing host family, and I keep in touch with the friends that I have made there. We talk online every chance we get. It is really nice to know that I was so welcomed there. They wanted to know everything about me, about where I was from... I felt like I was being dissected in a science class but really, I did not mind at all. It felt so nice to be noticed, to be asked so many questions. I did not think my life was so interesting, but they thought otherwise.

Not much has been happening with my life upon my arrival back home. I took up the cleaning job that my mom and I started back when I was raising money for Germany. I have missed my clients, and it is nice to have a job. It feels secure, even though I do not really feel secure. I do, however, feel that I am back in the same place I started before I decided to become an Au Pair. I do not know what I am doing with my life, I do not know where it is headed. I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. I have no friends to hang out with in Grand Rapids anymore, and I feel too shy to go out and make them on my own. My best friend lives in Kalamazoo and we do not have cars to see each other often. My other best friend got married and moved down to Mississippi since her husband is in the Navy. I do have friends here, but it seems that I really only hung out with them because of Danielle. Danielle was the key point in most of my friendships, it seems. Hey, I care about all of my friends but it seems that without Danielle there just isn't really one. We do not really talk, but I do keep up to date on them through websites.

I have been thinking about going school. Of course, I have always thought about it. My brother is finally going to a PC Pro school, which is really amazing for him. But, where am I going to fit in? I do not want to be in Michigan anymore. Now that I have been away, I want to get away again. My heart is crying for California, a place where the sun always shines. I want summer all year round, or for most of it anyway. I want to go to Culinary school. I was thinking about The Culinary Institute of America in Napa Valley but upon further research I have discovered that I would rather attend Le Cordon Bleu in Pasadena, California. I have been looking at places to stay, trying to get a feel for the price of things. I know California is expensive, I do not plan to leave until I have sufficient funds, and then some. It all is so frustrating and it gives me a headache, but it was what I really want. It will take time, but I can make it work. If I can get myself to Germany, I am fairly certain I can get myself to California and survive there if I take it slowly and keep close track of my money and expenses.

Anyway, that is about it on what has been happening with my life. Perhaps I will update when I have more information. Maybe not.

-Kristina

OKAY, I COME HOME TOMORROW. YEAH, SON!

Here's some updates, on me... Since not everyone knows what I look like, and... they should be warned! :D








Okay, I doubt any of you will enjoy this next video - so, those pictures are the end of the post.

 </lj-embed>no real rights, thoughts, or ideas
just safety proof lives for safety proof minds
no sin. no nonsense. time to break free
no worries left about your immorality

I have a confession to make...

I'm afraid of coming home. I've made changes to myself in appearance and mentally. I've been considering joining the Navy, but I probably won't do that. I probably couldn't get in, anyway... I don't have a college background - but I'm considering going to GRCC for some courses. I'd still really like to do Culinary, though. I just hope I can get into GRCC's program. It's one of the best in the country and sometimes there's one or two years waiting list. That's intense.

That's not the reason I'm afraid of coming home, though. I'm afraid that I'll hate it once I'm back. I already know I probably won't hang out with most of my friends, and I don't have many when I get right down to it. I love the friends I have made here, and I'm pissed off that I'm stupid enough to leave them - but I'm going to work my arse (only because Shane used it earlier!) off so I can save up the money to come back to Germany as soon as I can.

I'm going to miss: Kevin, Johann, Hennick, Megadeth, and everyone else I meant in Hibu. You're so cool, and you were so nice to me. You never ceased with entertainment. Thank you for making me so welcome. You all mean the world to me. It's a good thing MySpace makes the world feel like a smaller place because I don't want to be a world away from you.

Okay, I guess that's all that's really on my mind.

I'm coming home.

I've been thinking lately, and I've decided I want to come home because being an Au Pair isn't appealing to me. I've completely lost the heart I had in the beginning. I've come to the conclusion that coming to Germany and experiencing the culture first-hand was the only thing that sounded appealing to me. I've experienced some of Germany, and I really love it here. I've made some amazing friends that makes me sick to my stomach to think about leaving. I'm actually really sad to be leaving, but Germany will always be here.

I sat down with Florian and Manuela last night to discuss what I've been feeling the past several weeks. Manuela understood more than I thought she would. She told me that she thinks she knew it before I did. She might be right. I wear everything out in the open. That's not always a good thing.

Manuela and I are very close, like sisters, because that's what she considers me. I love her so much, she means a lot to me. She's very sad that I'm leaving, and I'm very sad to be leaving her. We'll be keeping on contact, because that's what we both wish. I have their address, all of their phone numbers. When I come back to Germany, I'd really like to take a visit back here.

I've disappointed myself that I'm quiting, but I look at it this way: I can at least give myself the credit for trying because that's more than most people. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night, right? No one said, no one garaunteed me that this would work out. I tried it, it's not for me. I think I'm a traveler.

I don't really want to be asked a lot of questions. I'm already aching enough as it is. I'm updating the blog for that reason, so I don't have to repeat myself all the time.

My flight leaves July 1st, I'll see you soon.

I love you.

I'm growning accostomed to the way things are done here. Not just in this household, but in Germany as well. Things differ from day to day, but it's really not all that different. In some ways, I like it better here than back home. I would consider living in Germany at some point. At the very least, I would like to visit regularly in the future. This family I work for isn't just a family I work for. They're more than that. Granted, it's very difficult at times and I question why I'm here - but then I think about how this will change me a year from now. I truly think I'll be a better person for it. Heck, I already think I am for even taking the plunge and coming here. I'm proud of myself for that.

I often wonder what it'd be like to have chosen a family in the city. My life would be completely different, and I seriously doubt I could have found a better family to be with. They're so kind and caring, and that's really awesome. Thus far, I'm very glad to be able to add them to my family. Though small, the village is nice, as are the people in it. I couldn't get the view I have now in the city somewhere. I find it so peaceful at times, and other times it just frustrates me that everything is so far away. Several hours, at least... I'm adapting though, and for that I'm happy.

Slowly but surely, I'm making some friends. Hennick lives in Romhild. Kevin lives in Hildburghausen. Deniz lives in Rheinland-Pfalz. 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 3 hours. :( I still haven't met any of them yet, but I consider them friends. Hennick would like to take me out because he knows I'm lonely for some friends... we just don't know where to go yet, though. Kevin is on holiday in Bulgaria for the week, but we'll hang out when he comes back. I'll meet Deniz eventually. <3

I missed my mom's birthday. I called her twice last night, but she didn't anwer. I wasn't even calling because it was her birthday. I'd completely lost track of what date it was, though I knew it was June and her birthday would be coming soon. I only realized it was her birthday yesterday because I called her a little while ago and she mentioned my uncle's flight would be landing in a few hours. I knew he was coming June 9th, a day after my mom's birthday. I felt so bad I missed her birthday that I started crying. :( Ugh. I still feel bad.

That's really all I've got to say. I wrote most of this in my notebook yesterday because I wanted to update in the evening but the computer wasn't working so I watched Mission Hollywood instead. But now the computer is miraculously working. Figures.

I love you. =]

I'm updating because Miranda said I'm really bad at it. I'm sorry! There's times when I just don't have the time to update, or nothing really interesting has happened in a while and I don't feel like boring with you the same ole news. YA FEEL ME?

Okay... I'll just say some random stuff then.

I'm not sure of the date, but we went to the zoo in Erfurt a little while back. It was probably 1 or 2 weeks ago now. It was okay, I suppose. It was a lot bigger than the zoo we went to in Suhl - I think. At least, this time I got to see giraffes, elephants and other cool things like that. I didn't really want to be there and Manuela could tell. I don't like going to the zoo, even though I really love the animals. I go because I like animals, but I don't really enjoy it because I don't like animals like elephants and giraffes locked up. I especially don't like birds locked up because I look at the birds here (and everywhere) and they have the whole sky to fly in whereas in the zoo, they're limited. I don't like it. Someone argued with me that sometime zoos are just better for some animals because it keeps them un-extinct. I get that there are poachers looking for the ivory of elephant tusks, and killing for them, etc... but, I still don't like them being locked up. Of course, I loosened up a little bit and couldn't help but enjoy myself at some point. I just love animals. I didn't take pictures.

Uhm...

I think it was last weekend that Manuela, Florian and the twins took a small trip to Munich for two days. I could have gone had there been more room to sleep in the flat that Flo's sister has with her husband and child. There wasn't though, so I was stuck at home. I was a little sad about it for a while but quickly got over it because it meant that I had two whole days to myself without crying children! It was pretty nice, though I was lonely at times. I had had a bad dream the night before, and I got worried/sad as I watched them drive away Saturday morning. I'd dreamt about them getting into a car crash on their way to Munich. Insanity, my friends... Insanity. All was well, though. Of course, no one called me to tell me they arrived safely and no one called me to say goodnight. It bothered me a little, but again, I got over it. Oh well. Manuela said I'd be able to go to Munich by train and stay with Flo's sister (I don't know how to spell her name, sorry.) for a weekend and she'd show me around Munich and I could look for my dirndl for Oktoberfest (I refuse to rent one. I want to OWN one.) and she'd show me the night-life in Munich and how it differs from where I'm staying. I'm excited, I hope I get to do that soon.

Let's see...

School is going well. I've missed more days than I should because of me being sick. I still have a slight cough but it's nothing like it was before. Some days are better than others, and then some are worse than others. It's just the luck of the draw, and sometimes I'm pulling the short straw. It's alright, though. The language is still a little hard for me to learn and comprehend. I get really frustrated at times in class because it's taught in German and everyone in there speaks the language to some extent. I can't make friends (not that I really want to) in the class, and I can't talk to anyone (not that I really want to) but it'd be easier if I could because I feel like such an outsider still. I know it'll get easier, and I just have to keep at it, blah blah blah. Yeah, I know all of that already. I know I have to keep at it because I have a test in some odd weeks determining whether or not I can stay in German. We found it out it's both written and oral, which kinda sucks because the German I do know escapes me any time someone talks to me. I feel like such an idiot sometimes. I just wish I knew what to expect the test to be like... =[

I'm still missing everyone at home. I've got my good days, and I've got my bad days. I suppose you could say that today would be one of my bad days because I've been having a bad day. When I have a bad day and it has nothing to do with missing my family and friends, I think about the fact that I'm not home to be able to see them and I probably wouldn't be having a bad day if I were home... it just takes it's toll sometimes. I hate missing people, and I know this entire year it won't go away; it'll just be easy some days and hard others.

" 'Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away and the hardest part of living is taking breaths to stay. "

Those lyrics just played, and somehow it seemed to fit at the moment. Don't think too much into it.

I don't really know what to say. Some people should be recieving my post soon, and some people should keep an eye on their mailboxes within the next week. I'm just sayin' =]

There's not much else to say. I might go to Munich this weekend, so if I do... I'll take a lot of pictures. Maybe I'll update before the weekend.

-hugs-
I love you.

I really, really, really hate being sick. It's my throat, and I don't really know why I'm sick other than the fact that it's been cold and rainy the past several days and all I have is my light jacket and some sweaters. I think that may be the reason. And to think the week before I was sick with some stomach thing. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF THIS WEEK... Well, it's a female thing. And I hate when it happens randomly. Ugh.

I started the language cource in Meiningen on Monday. There's about 15 members of the class, and then me. There's people from Poland, Thailand, Vietnam, Romania, Peru, Pakistan, Syria... It's awesome. And then you have me, from the USA. I'm not the youngest, though, which is cool. There's a 13 year old with her mom, both from Poland. A lot of people in their 30's and older. Eh.

We ordered our books for the class on Monday and recieved them today. There's an arbeitsbuch, kursbuch and a glossar. I get my arbeitsbuch tomorrow. We had homework today, and there were some people without the book needed so we had to make copies. I find that a little annoying. I hate copies. Ha. Complainer.

I like Meiningen, or... what I've seen of it. I walk around during my breaks, and then have 1.5 hours to kill before I take the bus back home.

I was in a store called Stein & Design on Monday because I walked past the window and saw something I really liked. There was a man talking with the woman who worked there, and they were looking at the item I wanted. I got sad, but found out he wasn't there to buy, but to find out how to fix it, and see who could. So now, it's reserved in my name. I have to go back in on Friday to see if it works, and keep it reserved. If it ends up not being able to get fixed, I don't care. I'm still buying it because it'd be a great decoration piece anyway. Ha. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It's 49 euros. Manuela was all... WHAT? when I told her the price, because she thought I meant something else. I don't want to say what it is I'm thinking about buying, because... I just can't describe it. It's too awesome.

ANYWAY...

I'm drinking peppermint tea, and I really hate tea. But, since I'm sick this is supposed to soothe my throat. It isn't. And, now I've got a headache (have all day) because my nose is a little stuffed. Eh. Manu gave me these hard drops that are supposed to help soothe my throat when it's sore... hopefully that works.

There's not really much else to say other than that I've finally started the language course and am liking it thus far. It's from 9A to 1:30P. We discuss the times on Friday, to either start earlier and end earlier, or whatever. I like the time it's at now. I don't want to start earlier. No. Way.  Also got the whole plan for the 6 months, and discussed it with Manuela earlier. Got days free, etc etc.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go. I'll try to finish this tea and head to bed. Eh. Up early tomorrow.
I hope this sickness goes awayyyy. It's calling for rain tomorrow. =[[[[

BYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE.

Hallo! Guten tag! Guten abend! Wie geht es dir?

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest - my apologies for the lack of updates recently.
There just hasn't been much to report. I suppose I could come up with something now.

The twins had their birthday on the first of May; they turned four years old. I was wrong when I thought they were already four, but oh well. It was a good day, I suppose. There weren't too many people here, just some family, and a friend of the family with her daughter. It was small, but I liked it because of that. There were a lot of desserts. The kids opened gifts and played all day. I had my fair share of drinking but it was all paced out nicely. I had a few glasses of wine I didn't care for, Radler, a shot of tequila with Florian after everyone had gone and the kids were in bed, and then we all had some Baileys. Florian, Manuela and I hung out in the living room and watched TV and talked. It was getting pretty late, and Alwin starts crying for a moment... and then we heard him throw up. Manuela shot up so fast, she was blur. Alwin came to the doorway of the bedroom and living room and threw up right there. It was so sad and sick at the same time. I sat there, feeling bad, while they took care of it. Alwin cuddled with us on the couch for a while, and they ended up pulling out the couch and sleeping there. I went to bed but heard him throw up some more not too long after I went to my room. Poor thing.

The next day didn't consist of anything really special. I hung out with Julianne and her boyfriend.

There's not much to do with my day while everyone is gone. I go to the school on occassion but it's rare. I'm running out of bus tickets and will have to buy more soon if I don't get a pass.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, so like I wanted to do last week but couldn't, I'm going to the bakery and buying donuts for the kids to surprise them when I pick them up from the kindergarten. Wednesday is always donut day. I have to exchange some money so I can afford it, though. I'll have to go in the morning so they actually have donuts. I'm sure it'll make the kids happy, and it'll make them listen to me better... Yay, bribery. It's just that, come Wednesday, they know it means donuts but... usually the bakery doesn't have what they like by 4 o'clock and it's hard to get the kids to come home with me - so I have to lie and tell them their mama or papa is going to buy donuts. Or I'll say, "donut essen später" and then we'll end up taking the long way home.

Today was hectic, kind of. I woke up late, missing the bus to the public school, because Ferdinand was crying his head off for I don't even know how long, because Florian wasn't there since he left at 4 in the morning. There's a door separating my room and the kids' room, so noise is even louder if there weren't a door there - and it pisses me off so much, haha. I was so tired, and had a headache. My room was dark, so I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke up. 10:30. Whoops, missed the bus... didn't care. Got up, ate breakfast, got online, straightened up the house, made lunch, chilled for a while. I picked the kids up around the same time I always do, and it was good... they were just really hyped up. There was wayyyy too much energy and they were all over the place, not really listening to a word I was saying when things got too out of hand. We all played together, and then that got out of hand and Ferdinand bit the back of my thigh. HOLY COW, THAT HURT. He kept screaming, but a play scream... and wouldn't quiet down. They were both instegators in the play, and went into the parents' room and shed the bed and jumped around. Their cribs were emptied of all of there stuffed animals and blankets and pillows... Like I said, they were all over the place. I'm just glad no one got hurt, or cried... THANKS FOR THAT.

Now the kids are in bed. Manuela is... in the bathroom? Florian won't be home until tomorrow. I don't like it when I can't see everyone in one day. Manuela makes me calm. The kids make me a lot of things. Florian makes me laugh and smile because he's so funny. But, I haven't seen him all day and won't until I don't know when tomorrow. It kind of bums me out. I really love this family. Which, you know, is a good thing, or else I wouldn't be here still!

So, going to make some phone calls tonight. Forgot to call mein papa like I told Oma I would yesterday, since she called. By the time I remembered, it was late and I was tired. So, I'm going to call him tonight. If anyone ever wants to call me, we'll have to work out a schedule. I'm free in the mornings, but it's too early there. I'm also free in the evenings, but if you call you have to make sure it's not too late here. E-mail me and we can work something out. You'll have to get my phone number here from my mom or something. I also made a Skype account, so I want to try that out sometime. I won't tonight, though. I figured out how to put it all in English. Woot.

Anyway, I think this update makes up for all the missed ones. Sorry, no pictures.

Gute nacht, dears.

Kristina

Hello,

There hasn't been much going on since last week's update. I didn't go to the public school any more last week, and I probably won't go today - I'm not feeling too well but I just can't sleep any more. The week went by like it normally does. I wake up, chill out for a while, clean if it needs to be done, maybe shower and get dressed, chill out some more, and then get the kids from the kindergarten.

The weekend was relatively nice, though. I don't actually remember what we did Friday. Saturday, however, we had Juliane over for lunch. She left for a little while, but came back later for dinner. We went for a few walks around the block. Having her around is a nice distraction from things on my mind. I didn't go out with her that night like I said I would earlier that day. I wasn't feeling up to it, and just wanted to sleep.

Yesterday, Sunday, we wen to Romhild for a festival of the Forests or something. I don't know... It was okay, though. There was music, food, a hunting dog show, horse rides, stuff like that... We missed the highlights of the Forst Festival. That was around noon to three, and we got there after three. We didn't get to see Florian play music, either... The people who organized this event didn't do a good job, because they had people play music when there was only three people there to see them. Florian thought that was shit, and I agree. I haven't seen him play his horn yet, so I'd really like to eventually.

When we got home from the festival, Manuela's childhood friend and his girlfriend stopped by and ate dinner with us. They talked and laughed and had a merry time, but I wasn't feeling too well. I had a headache. I don't know if it was from the sun, or some other stuff, maybe mixed... but I left them and went to my room, took out my hair and rested my eyes. I might have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, they were gone. Ah well...

That's really all the news I have to report. There aren't any pictures, either. Sorry, kids.

Love you.